Thursday, January 27, 2011

Breaker, breaker, here comes the caper!

Me: Steve, I got a new fish. He's green. I need a name. I'm thinking something Celtic-y.

Steve: Danny Ainge-lfish

Me: Hahahahahaha done.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Next time I'm gonna follow through, and if it drives me crazy, I will know better why.....

Do any of you guys have those friends who, no matter how long it has been since you last connected with them, it seems like you never miss a beat? I'll assume you feel the same way about my blog and thus, are not angry at me for not writing much as of late. And by much, I mean, "anything." Except for Pat Who Thanks God Each Day For Yoga Pants. He yells at me every morning on IM.

What's new with you guys? Anything?

This is pretty close.
I started this post while sitting on a train, on my way home from a day trip to NYC for work. There are very few things in this world more breathtaking than sitting in the TGIFridays at Penn Station. I'm not even kidding. The decor was kitsch. Full of businessfolk in suits. Looking tired, exhausted. Jackets off, ties loosened. 80s music blasting. It was awesome. Greg, Jim and I were discussing how if we walked out of the restaurant and it turned out we were actually in like, Cleveland, or 1985, we would not have been surprised. It was a surreal experience. Also, the bartender had a bar code tattoo on the back of his neck. I hope he was just raging against the machine, and not actually coded for inventory or something. They haven't started doing that yet, right?

I don't like when people say, "There are no words to describe..." Of course there are. That's what words do. What is it, exactly, that you can't describe? See, there. You just did it. Done. Next question.

Do you think people who snore on planes and trains know they are the people that snore on planes and trains? Are they like, "Oh no, I hope this doesn't happen again!" or are they like, "Eh, I don't care zzzzzzzzzzzzzz."  I will honestly never reach a point in my life where I won't turn bright red and do the shoulder shake laugh when someone near me snores in public. If they snort, or do the shake-awake, forget it.

It's like the time my sister Shelley missed the kneel-y thing in Church at Easter mass and hit the ground instead. I thought my mom was going to bring us up to the the alter of St. Joseph's and sacrifice us on the spot. When you aren't supposed to laugh, that's when things are the MOST hilarious.

Sometimes, you just need to laugh.

Another awesome thing that happened on the train is that the guy next to me said, "Mr. Sparkle!" when I opened my laptop. I have Mr. Sparkle as my background and no one ever really knows what it is. He, in turn, opened his laptop, and his background was the x-ray of Homer's head. We high-fived. I think my encyclopedic knowledge of The Simpsons is a blessing and a curse. A blessing, in that, when you're around people go who also watch The Simpsons, you can endlessly exchange one liners and it never gets old. For you at least, everyone else around you hates you. A curse in that when you say something like, "There's your answer, Fishbulb," people look at you as if you are insane. If I walk into a room and say, "I've got enough gazpacho for everyone!" I expect someone to yell "Go back to Russia!" not go get a bowl and spoon.

Or if I just yelled, "Dental plan!" in a room, if people would respond, "Lisa needs braces." I think I would be friends with those people. I also think it would be much better received than when I yell things like, "Fire!"

That is not a way to make friends. And you don't win friends with salad.