Sunday, May 11, 2008

I drove all night....

Have you ever thought something and then became embarrassed for yourself and relieved that no one can actually hear your thoughts? I do that pretty regularly. There are two situations in particular, both having to do with driving, where I just can't stop myself from having the most ridiculous reactions...then I give myself the embarrassed chills and proceed to repeat the reaction again whenever the situation presents itself. I just don't learn.

1. Whenever I'm driving (particularly at night), and the person in front of me throws a cigarette out the window...I watch the tiny red glow bounce off the ground as I drive towards it....AND BRACE MYSELF because I'm convinced my car is going to blow up as soon as I pass over never does...but it could one day...and I don't know enough about cars to convince myself otherwise. A cigarette is a flame and a car is a moving tank of gasoline with a sunroof. BRACE!

2. While driving next to a big truck, if I can see an overpass in the distance, I start to think "Oh man, there's no way that truck is gonna make it under that overpass, it's way too tall and I think the overpass might be tooOHMYGOSH IT MADE IT!!" Phew. I end up feeling like that guy in The Neverending Story (Engywook) who yells "He made it! He made it!" and tumbles out of the basket after Atreyu runs through the Sphinx gate. That guy always gave me the creeps.

I'm not sure what it is about those two situations that illicit such a strong reaction from me, but I'm sure glad no one can hear my thought process when it don't tell anyone about this, K? Shhh...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

What's Joey's favorite food? Sandwiches.

If you know me, you know that my favorite food in the whole hot dogs. I know. I'm a classy broad. I'm confident enough to stand by my food choices. "Eww, do you know what goes in those?" Yes, yes I do, and I love love love it! You could tell me the secret ingredients are puppies or dead fairies and I would still order two at Fenway. Actually, I love dead fairies, make that three.

(Of note: The people that usually laugh and snark-ily respond "that's wicked classy, Lisa" are also the very same people I watch stumble around drunk on weekends, wearing less-than-enough clothing and launching themselves at guys in bars like Scud missiles, with equally destructive who's classy now? Go home to your wine and cats....but I digress...)

Pizza is a close second. If pizza was nominated by the whole world as "best food ever" I would fully understand. I would stand up and clap my hands in support and praise as Pizza went on stage and accepted the award at the Food Ceremony, crying pepperoni tears and talking about how all the time spent rising and being beaten down was totally worth it.

I think potato chips might be number three. We've already discussed my love of chips and dip, perhaps too much. Perhaps that's why I'm single?

There is a noticeable absence of chocolate or any kind of sweets on this list and I don't really have a reason. It's always kind of been that way. When I die, I want to be buried in a casket filled with potato chips that I can eat on my way to Hot Dog Heaven where I will meet up with Pizza and he'll introduce me to his friend, Meatball Sub...and we'll all sit down and have steak.

What are the five foods you'll meet in heaven?