Saturday, November 27, 2010

Life is bent, into a shape, I can hold, a twist of fate...

Am I the only person who still kind of freaks out when seeing a person from Lost on a different show? Like today when I saw Miles working in a lab on Law & Order. So weird! Instead of speaking to the dead, he was identifying if the cat hair on the suspect's pants was the same as that found on the victim! I miss that show. I have high hopes for The Walking Dead, although to be completely transparent, that show scares the crap out of me and if zombies come around, I am basically a brain on a silver platter. 28 Days Later, I am NOT Legend.

So I have this friend Pat Who Daily Thanks God for Yoga Pants (he makes me call him that) and he is a way more talented writer than I is are. You should read Pat's animated screenplay Sammy Jingles. It's Christmasy and funny and smart and inspired.

Seriously, it is the most awesome thing I've read, ever:

The songs alone deserve many, many awards. I may have helped him out with a line about Pokemon. No big deal.

I've also decided that combining words is my favorite thing ever. Faveingver. Okay that one didn't work.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I move onward, the only direction. Can't be scared to fail, searching for perfection.

It's Thanksgiving. The natural thing for me to do is to talk about Halloween again. No, that's ridiculous. Let's talk about what we're thankful for, shall we?  Walk with me.....

My mom took this picture. She's awesome.
I'm thankful for my family. Like whoa. They are amazing. I can't imagine dreading a family get together. I love them. On a rare, serious note, they don't even need to pick me up when I fall, because they have never let me hit the ground.

Today we did shots at Thanksgiving. Not like "erase the ability to feel because OMG I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE " shots (which is not too far off, let's be honest), like a "hooray for family and Thanksgiving and life and love and family again," shots.  And the food is delicious. (There were FOUR kinds of stuffing this year!) They always tell me they like whatever I brought, and I don't even care if it's true! I'm just happy everyone ate it. We also picked names for the Christmas grab and decided it would be extra funny if we also picked names for new tattoos. "Shaun, you got Lisa. That will look nice on your neck."

I'm thankful for my friends.  Especially Kristin and Chris and Amy and Lisa. And definitely Cassie (even if I have to pick your drunk ass up at 3 am). I would be lost without you.

And my GPS. I would be completely lost without you. I would still be driving around Brooklyn.

I'm thankful for music. I'm thankful for bands like The Sheila Divine (welcome back!) who can make my little wooden heart turn and Amy Winehouse  (please come back!) who speaks to my soul and Metallica (the Black Album and previous albums) (watch your back!) because you make me feel like a natural woman who can take down another girl in a fight. What? It's a fact. That would be 29 years of being nice to people who I should not be nice to coming out all at once!

(I'm not thankful for lyrics that do not rhyme, like "You are chihuahua I`m a rottweiler," Will.I.Am., that does not rhyme, you should take more time, I'll pay you a dime, it would be sublime...)

Sublime sucks by the way. FYI. You just learned something. On a holiday. I have today off.

I'm thankful for my amazing job and my awesome coworkers because I get to be creative and it's okay that I'm a little quirky and weird. It's just kind of who I am and they seem okay with that. And that's tangentially how I met Jeff and Deb and David and Jordan and lots of other people who make life infinitely more funny. 

And I'm thankful for airport scanners and gropers because I know a lot of people who put a lot of effort into trying to get people to touch them and look at them naked. And at least with those airport scanner pictures, you don't have to worry about cutting off your head in the photo like I have to do with all those ones I sext out from my phone. Safe flight!

And I'm thankful for you, if you read this.

Everyone has a story to tell. Whether you're a Care Bear or Shrek, you are who you are. Be thankful for what you have, and considerate of others who care about you, and hopeful for what you want and unafraid to go get it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. xoxo

Thursday, November 11, 2010

You were in the darkness too...So I stayed in the darkness with you

Do you guys remember that time my friend Kate was on Wheel of Fortune? Me too. Sure, that girl that solved the puzzle with just one letter is getting a lot of buzz but Kate, after making up the word "fiping," solved the final puzzle before Pat even finished saying "good luck" so I still would rank her as the greatest WOF contestant of all time.

(The category was "Things" and the puzzle was _ _ _ ES AND P _ NS)

I think being on a game show is up there on the list of awesome things I don't think I could ever actually do. I'm not going to blame it entirely on being scarred by Cindy Brady's game show collapse on "Question the Kids," (Baton Rouge! Baton Rouge! Baton Rouge!) or that time Cliff from Cheers goes on Jeopardy ("Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?") but that is basically my biggest fear. Getting on the show and my mind going completely blank. I think the closest I'm going to get to an actual game show (until I convince a team to wander around New York with me, desperately seeking Cash Cab) is to continue playing the lucrative pub trivia circuit.

The other day I went with some of my friends to play trivia, specifically, music trivia. And honestly, it was really hard. Like, what band has a one-armed drummer? Fine. Everyone knows that. Def Leppard. Oh no. That's not what they asked. What was that one-armed drummer's NAME? What? Who knows that?

I think how the question is asked makes a huge difference. That's what makes Jeopardy awesome.There is usually a hint to the answer (question, whatever) in the question (answer, whatever). Like a playful pun. There is always something that makes you more confident that your guess might actually be right. Granted, I would never actually go on Jeopardy. I know if I ever made it on the show, the categories would be like "16th Century Russian Poetry" and not "3-Letter Words" or "Foods that Start with 'G'" and other things about which I know entirely too much.

But music trivia, the questions were just asked in a misleading way. Like asking which artist debuted at number one, we would think the song was what debuted at #1, but it was actually the album, and so on. Or when he was like, "Which song has been on the Billboard Top 100 for 29 weeks?" Dude, I don't know. But had he said "Which TERRIBLE song has been on the Billboard Top 100 for 29 weeks?" I would have been like oh, Airplanes by B.o.B and that angst-y girl.

The bottom line is that I don't know as much about music as I wish I did. Sure, my awareness of murdered Tejano superstar Selena came in handy, but I really think I could have done better. I was really hoping for a lightening round of "Name as many Michael Jackson songs as you can in one minute" or "List all of the Britney Spears singles that have appeared on the Billboard 100." Yes, that's where I would have shined. Am I proud of that? You bet your sweet ass. And really, who are you to judge? Rick Allen? Yeah, that's what I thought, you wouldn't have answered that correctly either.....

Monday, November 8, 2010

This Used to be My Playground....Used to be....This Used to be My Childhood Dream....

My wonderful friend Amy got stuck had the opportunity to babysit her niece and nephew this weekend and in an effort to secure the title of "World's Best Aunt," decided on a host of activities, including but not limited to a Sunday night visit to Chuck E. Cheese. I was invited along. Kids? Games? Amy? Jackpot.

First of all, I got there about 15 minutes before Amy arrived and was faced with a pretty easy decision. Go in or stay outside? Easy! I mean, I had to just wait in my car because I wasn't about to walk in there without a kid, that would be creepy. But do you know what is more creepy? Sitting in your car outside of Chuck E. Cheese. I felt like every parent that walked out GLARED at me, like I was just sitting there, waiting for some kid to wander just far enough away so I could throw them into the back of my Accord. Or like my accomplice friend was inside and I was waiting in the getaway car for when she comes running out with a new addition to the family. The entire thing was very stressful and I hadn't even been inside yet. And in all honestly, most of the kids weren't even that cute. Definitely not steal-worthy.

Speaking of inside, I'm fairly certain Chuck E. Cheese used to be about 10x the size it is now. And what ever happened to the Cheese Factory? I remember it quite distinctly. The carpet was blue. At one point you jumped down a pretty big stair, then ran over this part that was kind of like a waterbed, then...okay, fine, that's all I remember. But it existed! And now it doesn't. Why? Did someone die in there? Someone died in there, didn't they? Did they ever find that kid? I bet the only kids that ever died at Chuck E. Cheese died of the flu. Seriously, I feel like I needed a Purell shower after exiting the premises.

And where are all the cool games?! Where is Whack-A-Mole? I really don't feel like earning tickets by playing the game where you drop the coin in and try to time it so it lands in a boat. I want to abuse some small animals that are so beaten up they actually look like critters...from the movie Critters.

Even the swag isn't as cool as it was before. Granted we had about 11 tickets (we were working with a 3 year old and a 1 year old) but certainly our options weren't as cool as this AWESOMENESS featured today on I'm Remembering.

Who doesn't want a Mr. Munch plastic figurine? Yes, that's the Grimace-like purple guy. Why do I know that? The real question is: Why don't you? 

I guess one day, when I care about things besides myself, I'll look at places like Chuck E. Cheese in a new light. Be consumed by a sense of wonder as I see it through the eyes of a child. (Should be around 2025...unless I find one cute enough to steal....)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I Can't Be Sure That You're the One for Me...But All I Ask Is That You Dance with Me

Usher's latest song tells me to "dance (dance) like it's the last (last) night of your life (life)."

Photo by Scott Zuehlke
To that I say, Usher, if it's the last night of my life, I'm probably going to "Say (say) goodbye to my loved ones, and thank (thank) them for everything and delete (delete) all the incriminating stuff on my hard drive and phone."

Celebrities are so out of touch.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

So close yet so far ya know, she never seemed to notice, that this silly schoolboy crush wasn't just pretend....

You know that saying that all girls quote or have hanging in their rooms or in a frame on their desks or whatever? The one that ends with "Dance like no one is watching." Why would you dance like no one is watching? That's crazyface. Dance like EVERYONE is watching! Own that shizz. If you do...eventually..they will watch. And they will like it. And then you're awesome!

Did everyone vote today? Did everyone remind everyone to vote today so that all you heard or read all day was people telling you to vote even though everyone around you was also telling you to vote so you were basically just telling people who said they voted, to vote?

I'm fairly certain if I tried to remind all of my friends on Facebook to vote today, it would have been the equivalent of me standing next to the super-election-scantron-machine, as you were entering your ballot, while the poll workers were crossing off your name, yelling, "Don't forget to vote!" Kind of repetitive, given the audience.

I wish folks would remind me to do other stuff besides vote. Like "Don't forget to floss today!" or "Don't forget to pay NStar today!" Then I could get a sweet sticker, everyone's dental hygiene would be better, my lights wouldn't get shut off...everybody wins!

If you are my age (29 for the first time), with a standard deviation of 10 years, you should read this site every single day: I'm Remembering!

Have you ever had one of those days when you're over-analyzing everything you do and you kind of deny feelings you have even though you have suspected them all along and eventually you have to admit them to yourself? Had that today...."Crap. I like Maroon 5."

I always feel bad when people say, "I don't know. I don't watch much TV." I watch a TON of TV. I average about 3 episodes of Law & Order (Original recipe, SVU and/or Criminal Intent) a day. I also read books, so I figure that helps balance my massive television consumption. You can Take That like Robbie Williams, non-TV watchers.

Speaking of which, if the little boy that came to my house trick-or-treating dressed as a S.W.A.T. team member had actually been wearing an NCIS hat, I'm fairly certain he was getting the whole bowl of candy from the Mokaba house. Porch light off! No more candy! That kid wins Halloween.

You know who else wins? Me. For having readers like you. Hugs!