Just let me state for the record, we're giving love in a family dose

Imagine if you had a job where you only had to show up once in a while, never had to do any actual work and still got paid?

It’s called being a consultant....but in this case, an aunt.

You only really have a small set of requirements (besides fertile siblings) to be an aunt.

-Bottomless pit of love and support? Check.
-Ability to serve as refuge when niece/nephew realizes they have the meanest Mum in the world and need to escape to awesome Auntie Lisa’s house? Check anticipated in the future.
-Prevent all injury and bodily harm. So far, so good!

Now when I brought up the idea of my BF and me bringing my 3-year-old nephew to the Aquarium this past Saturday, people (my entire family) had their doubts.

Can you handle it? Are you ready for this? What if he throws a tantrum? What if he doesn’t listen? What if he starts yelling? What if he starts crying?

In these situations, I’m sure his Mum would give him a warning. A stern talk. A time-out.

Do you know what Auntie gives him?

M&Ms.

(That is an actual photo of the inside of my purse)

I’m not here to enforce discipline. I’m here to look at penguins and have a good time. To the Aquarium!

It actually ended up being a really great day. Sure, it costs about $785 to go to the Aquarium, but I think that was worth it just to see my nephew’s face light up every time one of those gangly toothed sharks swam by the window in which we were standing….for about two solid hours.

“Here he comes! There he goes….here he comes again! Oh, there he goes….but he’s swimming back around! Look at the turtle! No, you’re right. He’s not a shark. The shark is….there he is!”

You know where else they have sharks? The gift shop! My nephew put three stuffed sharks into a shopping basket, by himself, and then walked right over to the checkout line. It was hilarious. Sure, the BF and I had to channel ninjas to get two of the sharks out of the basket without him noticing but we did it. It involved a lollipop distraction and a stealthily executed hand-off.

Kids are SO easy to take care of in four hour increments. Piece of cake.

Speaking of cake, I love beer.

I was on the Orange Line on Friday and a man sitting near me smelled kind of like beer. A normal person might say to him or herself, “Who drinks at 8 in the morning? That’s disgusting. That guy has a problem.”All I could think was “I cannot WAIT to go out after work.” (Can you believe people worry about me taking their kids into the city?)

Also, how is it that on random days I’m the tallest person on the train? I’m hardly a tall, lanky hipster. I’m an average 5’5 but I think a family of tourists was going to ask to take pictures with me when I stood up on the Red Line the other day. And that is nothing compared to the time I was on the Blue Line and almost recruited to play center on a men’s basketball team.

Just another day in the life of a commuter.

Remember, in the subway and in life, when you feel like there is nowhere to go…watch the doors, there is another train directly behind this one.