Are you talking to me?
Do you ever have those days when you just feel like taking it slow? Looking around, admiring the world. Maybe you'll notice the little things you usually overlook. Wow, those forsythia bushes are in full bloom. I never realized that doorway had an arch to it, what a neat and interesting architectural element. The light reflecting through that prism hanging from the rearview mirror of that Pontiac Grand Am creates a rainbow on the dashboard, what a happy sight to see as you walk to your car...
Well, if you are going to be that person, please DO NOT walk in front of me.
I do not want to walk slow, I want to get where I'm going. I walk at a brisk pace of about 25-30 miles per hour and if you are going to be the jerk in front of me that walks slowly down the frozen food aisle of Market Basket, I'm going to get pretty upset. I can only assume the sub-zero temperature of that aisle is slowing your movement down as your body prepares to protect itself against hypothermia but I want my Lean Cuisine and still have to turn the corner to get milk, yogurt and shredded cheese so get the HELL out of my way.
Sure, being a fast walker has its disadvantages. I think I've almost killed about 11 employees at work because I take corners at Mach 3 and narrowly avoid full-on collisions. Turnover is high at PR agencies anyway, so running someone over and causing a career-ending injury (re: death) while on my way to get a Diet Coke is a risk I'm willing to take.
The way I figure it, there is plenty of time to walk slowly...and that time is when you are old. When you're old, you just can't move that quickly. Your body won't let you. It's like your body is telling you, "Hey, slow down big guy, take a look around...take it all in..appreciate it....because you're dying." (Too much?)
Well not this girl. My little stumps for legs still have a pretty quick turnover so it's life in the fast lane for me. GOOOOOO!
(And while we’re talking about movement, no, I will not share the road with you, Cyclists….get a car. )
Do you ever have those days when you just feel like taking it slow? Looking around, admiring the world. Maybe you'll notice the little things you usually overlook. Wow, those forsythia bushes are in full bloom. I never realized that doorway had an arch to it, what a neat and interesting architectural element. The light reflecting through that prism hanging from the rearview mirror of that Pontiac Grand Am creates a rainbow on the dashboard, what a happy sight to see as you walk to your car...
Well, if you are going to be that person, please DO NOT walk in front of me.
I do not want to walk slow, I want to get where I'm going. I walk at a brisk pace of about 25-30 miles per hour and if you are going to be the jerk in front of me that walks slowly down the frozen food aisle of Market Basket, I'm going to get pretty upset. I can only assume the sub-zero temperature of that aisle is slowing your movement down as your body prepares to protect itself against hypothermia but I want my Lean Cuisine and still have to turn the corner to get milk, yogurt and shredded cheese so get the HELL out of my way.
Sure, being a fast walker has its disadvantages. I think I've almost killed about 11 employees at work because I take corners at Mach 3 and narrowly avoid full-on collisions. Turnover is high at PR agencies anyway, so running someone over and causing a career-ending injury (re: death) while on my way to get a Diet Coke is a risk I'm willing to take.
The way I figure it, there is plenty of time to walk slowly...and that time is when you are old. When you're old, you just can't move that quickly. Your body won't let you. It's like your body is telling you, "Hey, slow down big guy, take a look around...take it all in..appreciate it....because you're dying." (Too much?)
Well not this girl. My little stumps for legs still have a pretty quick turnover so it's life in the fast lane for me. GOOOOOO!
(And while we’re talking about movement, no, I will not share the road with you, Cyclists….get a car. )
7 comments:
Praise Jesus! Thank for addressing my single largest pet peeve in life.
Not only do I want to go bat shit crazy when people walk slow in front of me in the grocery store, but I become thisclose to setting the place on fire if you also decide to stop in the middle of the goddamn aisle! I don't care if you want to judge the price of each can of pasta sauce before you make your decision, but move aside lady! No, I can't hit a botton and fold my cart into a pocket-sized device so unless you move I'm stuck watching you agonize over Prego vs. Ragu.
I have similar issues with slow walkers at Disney World. I know, you're on vacation. The kids are hungry. You have a stroller the width of pre-subway Jared. But I'm trying to get in line for Space Mountain before the wait becomes 3 hours. Move. aside.
As for workplace slow walkers, I wonder do you seriously enjoy your job that much that you find joy in taking a leisurely stroll around the office? Or do you just have nothing to get done? The rest of us are running from meeting to meeting, trying to each lunch and make 17 phone calls in between. Stop. effing. gliding. Pick up those damn feet and walk.
And lastly, don't ever ask me "why are you in such a hurry?" We live in New England. It's under 40 degrees for 90 percent of the year. I'm wearing a paper thin jacket so as not to ruin/lose my real jacket at the bar. I don't care to enjoy the scenery or the Christmas lights at Fanueil.
I'm sorry. When you said "you should blog about how much we hate people that walk slow," I hadn't realized you were so full of venom. Your comment is longer than my blog post. Maybe you need to have a glass of wine or something? Walk quickly to your kitchen when you get home and pour yourself a glass....
It's okay, I'm much better now. That rage has just been sitting inside me for years. I've exorcised the demons. All is well.
I think you missed one important element of the slow walker...it's freaking awkward when you can't get by them! It's like tailgating in a car only instead of hoping they don't slam on the brakes, you're hoping they don't break wind (too much?). Plus, it's tough to judge when to pass them...can I make it before the corner or that other shopper? I'm going for it anyway!
The solution may be a travel lane and a passing lane for all public hallways.
I agree. The slow walkers are a total pain.
The only thing I'd beg to differ about is the bikers. I know, I know -- drivers hate them, pedestrians hate them, other bikers hate them. But if your goal is to get somewhere fast, given Boston traffic, I have no doubt who wins the prize.
Thanks for the amusing post!
If you're talking about people in public places where the object is to get something and then go somewhere else ASAP (like a supermarket, work, an abortion clinic...too much?) then I'm in total agreement. Get out of my way so I can go back to reading Lisa's blog and occasionally updating mine with something dumb.
I will say that I do enjoy walking at a more leisurely pace if I'm just walking for the hell of it. What good is the Common or the Public Gardens if you can't stop (or at least slow) to check out the sights?
So, to recap:
1) everyone but me = walk briskly
2) me = however fast or slow I damn well feel like. And get off my lawn.
Right on about Market Basket!! I nearly fly into a rage every time I try to navigate that place with screaming babies, in-explicable quantities of saw dust on the floor and the slowest people you could possibly imagine, all lined up talking about how they just got accepted to Blaine Hair School. Uggh!
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