When you think of Einstein, you may think of the theory of relativity. It's a defining part of the legacy that he left behind and will forever be associated with his name.
I have my own theory, and while it's not as complicated as "the curvature of spacetime with the mass, energy, and momentum within it," I feel just as strongly about it.
The Theory of the Dip Vehicle.
I love potato chips. I enjoy potato chips, plain, right out of the bag. However, if you place a bowl of french onion dip on the table in front of me (or anywhere in the room for that matter, I'll find it), the chip takes on a whole new role. It's no longer a simple salty snack. The chip undergoes a metamorphosis, becoming nothing more than a vehicle for me to get as much dip into my mouth as possible. Sorry chip, I'm just using you.
This theory is reinforced across countless snack and dip combinations.
Tostitos? Great. You know what's better? Tostitos Scoops. Why? The Theory of the Dip Vehicle. The Scoop is bascially a white corn bowl of whatever you decided to eat. It is especially key for things like buffalo chicken dip, which are a little heartier and require that additional reinforcement if you're really going to get a big bite. (Note: If your preferred method of consuming buffalo chicken is freebasing, I support that as well.)
Shrimp cocktail is delicious. I will scoop, twist my arm and contort myself like Gumby to ensure the maximum amount of cocktail sauce remains on that crustacean at all times.
The vegetable platter (or crudite, if you're a snob) is a shining example of the Theory in action.
As I approach a vegetable platter (slowly and deliberately, like a cheetah stalking its prey), you might think I would reach for the carrots first, which are usually the best tasting of all the options. Carrots are, in fact, the best vegetable choice if we are living in Hell-on-Earth where we're in some sort of dip recession and are on dip rations.
I have my own theory, and while it's not as complicated as "the curvature of spacetime with the mass, energy, and momentum within it," I feel just as strongly about it.
The Theory of the Dip Vehicle.
I love potato chips. I enjoy potato chips, plain, right out of the bag. However, if you place a bowl of french onion dip on the table in front of me (or anywhere in the room for that matter, I'll find it), the chip takes on a whole new role. It's no longer a simple salty snack. The chip undergoes a metamorphosis, becoming nothing more than a vehicle for me to get as much dip into my mouth as possible. Sorry chip, I'm just using you.
This theory is reinforced across countless snack and dip combinations.
Tostitos? Great. You know what's better? Tostitos Scoops. Why? The Theory of the Dip Vehicle. The Scoop is bascially a white corn bowl of whatever you decided to eat. It is especially key for things like buffalo chicken dip, which are a little heartier and require that additional reinforcement if you're really going to get a big bite. (Note: If your preferred method of consuming buffalo chicken is freebasing, I support that as well.)
Shrimp cocktail is delicious. I will scoop, twist my arm and contort myself like Gumby to ensure the maximum amount of cocktail sauce remains on that crustacean at all times.
The vegetable platter (or crudite, if you're a snob) is a shining example of the Theory in action.
As I approach a vegetable platter (slowly and deliberately, like a cheetah stalking its prey), you might think I would reach for the carrots first, which are usually the best tasting of all the options. Carrots are, in fact, the best vegetable choice if we are living in Hell-on-Earth where we're in some sort of dip recession and are on dip rations.
However, if all is good and well in the world, the first item I'm reaching for is celery. Celery is nature's spoon. It has a groove! That groove is there for a reason. It has a purpose. The purpose is to hold some variety of dip. Sour cream based? Cream cheese? Peanut butter? Celery lovingly embraces this deliciousness with its loving cellulose arm-grooves.
Maybe some day it will be acceptable to just eat french onion dip with a spoon. That day will be my own personal V-Day. Until that day have to just approach each snacking situation carefully, holding steadfast to the Theory of the Dip Vehicle and reaching out to select the best snack for the job. I encourage you to do the same. Think before you dip. Choose wisely.
10 comments:
You're soooooooooo cute. Not hot. Just cute.
It's about time celery got its due respect. Well said!
i don't eat celery or any kind of dip. thanks.
There is quite honestly nothing better on earth than Cape Cod chips with french onion dip. After reading this I realized that I haven't had celery with peanut butter in forever. Not since I used to steal your celery. I mean borrow.
And I think you are both hot AND cute.
I will even eat uncooked broccoli if the dip is tasty enough. I draw the line at cauliflower.
Uncooked broccoli is only acceptable when the flavor is masked by dip.
Cauliflower is only acceptable if you are in a plane crash and have already consumed the people that did not survive and the only thing left to eat is a crate of cauliflower that happened to be on the plane. Even then though, tough call.
What about the greatest dip of all time? Fun Dip! Remember those white sticks that you could dunk into the sugary powder?
Me neither.
When it comes to vegetable platters, I am a straight carrot and broccoli fella. Carrots do tend to frustrate me as all the dip slides right off, but broccoli holds that shit like I just dipped it in glue.
When it comes to dipping chips in french onion dip, you can find me on the couch with some chips and a jar that's almost empty... the sides of my hand covered in dip as I reach down deep for all that remains. Jesus I'm hungry.
Good post...except what exactly is the theory? I am hungry now.
It's like you saw into my entire soul just now. Had a hummus dip for dinner with toasted pita chips (pita chips > Scoops when it comes to hummus) and it came with veggies as well.
All hail celery and pita chips!
Post a Comment