My girl's like candy, a candy treat. She knocks me right up off my feet.

Let's be honest. The other awesome (re: fat) part of Halloween is candy. Some, of course, are better than others. Snickers? Yay! Chunky? No. Peanuts? Huh? Are we on a plane?

My favorite candy is also my mortal enemy. Gummy Bears. Sometimes when I take care of my sister's dog, Bowdoin, she and her husband leave detailed instructions for how to feed him. "One cup of food. Wait 5 minutes. One cup of food. Wait 5 minutes. Water." Apparently he will just eat it all really fast and throw up if you don't force him to pace himself. 

I have the SAME problem with Gummy Bears. Seriously. I will just eat them until I want to throw up. I don't have enough self-control, at age 29, to avoid making myself sick. To be honest, I do the same with Skittles. And Starbursts. And Swedish Fish. What is WRONG with me?

No fear with Raisinets, though. Do not even get me started on Raisinets. I hate raisins to begin with (as noted here and here), and putting chocolate on them, while a nice touch, is not going to make them taste good. My friend Colin once wrote, "When you cover something as vile as raisins in something as delicious as chocolate, it inevitably results in chaos. Am I supposed to be chewing or dissolving? Am I supposed to be eating healthy or pigging out? Fried lard covered in chocolate? I’m sold. Donuts wrapped in bacon, then covered in chocolate? Sign me up! But Raisinets leave the candy connoisseur feeling confused, disappointed, and most importantly, disgusted." And I concur.

Also, is there anything better than that random neighbor that gives out the full-sized candy bars? AWESOME. It's like living next to the Rockefellers for one day a year...except instead of revolutionizing the petroleum industry, you get full-sized Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!

My friend Steve said they give out full-sized candy bars at his house. Now, I'm not about to tell you his address BUT I will share with you this little bit of knowledge:

 

"Steve's Tips for Tricks and Treats on Halloween"

 

• Next year, wear a costume every day except Halloween.
• Keep authorities honest by sticking razors in the candy.
• Don't just scare the trick or treaters, hurt them.
• Tell the princesses they're supposed to look pretty, not ugly.
• Ask the fathers if "daddy wants some candy, too."
• Unwrap all the chocolate bars before putting them in the bowl.
• Give out little bags of bread and those mini-water bottles.
• Don't give candy to the group's worst costume.
• Flash 'em.

So.....yeah. Actually, DON'T go to Steve's house.....