Oh hey, Christmas! Who is excited?! Me.
I'm not only excited to be surrounded by the most wonderful family and friends money can buy, I'm actually just excited to say "peace the f*** out" to 2010. I think that might be the first time I've used the "f" word on my blog and it has never been so deserved.
Honestly, there are so many things in life you can control. Your choices. The people you choose to include in your life. Your own reactions to things. And there are so many things that you can't control. And those...those are the worst.There are people that you will lose without ever actually having agreed to let them go. There are things that won't work out, even though you've spent the past 20 years preparing for them. LOST will have a series finale. These are things you can't control. And they...they are the worst.
There are of course so many things have been gained this year. New friends, like Steve and Hillary. New jobs, like the one I have now. New pounds, like the ones I gained while perfecting the meatloaf and homemade banana bread. There are also a few things I hope to say goodbye to as we embrace 2011 with open-armed, big-boobed hugs.
And because I love lists, and that will never change, here are the top five things I hope Father Time leaves behind:
GTL- Gym, tanning, laundry. Guidos Trippin Likewhoa. Gangrenous Tiny ilLiterates. In any case, I hope I never hear it again. As well as anything associated with it, like the fist pump, Snooki, "The Situation," etc.
Photo poses - Stop giving the peace sign or a thumbs up. Seriously. Are we that awkward that we can't just have our hands down when posing for a photo? Put your hand on your hip, it's more flattering. You're throwing up a peace sign, but I'm fairly certain you can't spell any of the countries that we are currently occupying with troops. Just stop the insanity and put your hands down, you look stupid. Deuces!
Drunk words - Are you plastered? Hammered? Smashed? Shitfaced? Wasted? Faded like Soul Decision? - To be honest, I'm all of those things right now, but I think it's just better to avoid these words all together.
Old Navy mannequin commercials - Those things are creepy. I'm buying a tshirt that I'm fairly certain is just going to disintegrate after being washed five times, stop creeping me out with your commercials. They are dead and soulless, like me, except they don't smell like they spent an entire Sunday baking peanut butter cookies for the office.
Brett Favre - Just....no. He's the "Out, out damn'd spot!" of NFL quarterbacks. No matter how hard you try, you can't stop us now....and you can't get him to retire.
Are there any things you hope to stop dead in their tracks in 2010? And by "dead in their tracks" I do actually mean "kill with your bare hands" so choose your responses carefully....
8 comments:
I played golf a few years ago with some dude who said he had gotten "fuckin' pickled" the night before. So let's avoid all drunk words except that one; it's a keeper.
I can get on board with that for 2011. You're the Ultimate Warrior, Jim.
Here are some things I'd like to see GONE:
-Shows about cupcakes.
-Creepy photos people take of themselves in their bathroom mirrors.
-People who comment on those photos and say things like "You look HAWT!"
-People who think Facebook is their diary. PS, My Magic Diary was my favorite Xmas gift of all time. Remember?!
-I agree with the peace sign/thumbs up thing in photos. My hands are usually occupied by a glass, cup, or bottle of some sort.
This will also change in 2011.
I was kinda faded, but now I'm feeling alright after reading this. I'd like to second the motion to dismiss all things Jersey Shore, and the creepy Old Navy mannequins. Could you imagine if the two were combined? Pure and utter terror.
Like many of us, I'd like to read/hear the following much less often in 2011:
-Literally
-Actually
-You're ugly.
-fml
-You're adopted.
-This is not yours.
-This is not a drill.
-This is not a test.
-That is not the emergency brake.
--Steve
"the meatloaf and homemade banana bread" sounds like one dish.... if i am mistaken, you should make this happen.... tout de suite!
I NOMinate "nom nom nom." Terrible.
I am 100% with you re: the creepy Mannequins. I say replace them with Hollywood from the movie Mannequin, 100%. Hollywood in a techno hoodie! Hollywood in the toddler clothes! Yes.
I kinda dig the ON manequins. They're fake and plasticy and their faces don't move when they talk. It reminds me of when I go chill on the west coast.
Stuff I'd like to be rid of:
"Social Media Marketing MLM CMS Experts"
"FollowmeIwillhelpyoubuildyourinfluenceonlineandgetslotsofexposure.andstuff"
People who stand in line for 8 minutes, get to the front, and then realize they haven't decided WTF they want to order.
People who take kids that should be on leashes out to any dining establishment that does not offer a free toy with the childs meal.
Almost any modern hip-hop "artist", especially those who don't realize autotune should not go to 11.
Uggs
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