She's runnin! I'm flyin! Right behind in the rearview mirror now.....

If I was in advertising (Which I am not. I am in PR. There is a difference. Essentially, it comes down to paid media and earned media and the way that wezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....sorry, where were we?) I would suggest that Panera Bread do an awesome David Lee Roth/Van Halen-inspired commercial, substituting in the lyrics for "Panama" with Panera. You can see it, right? Totally awesome. I think if you're going to serve paninis with 860 calories and 39 grams of fat, you can get a little funky, you know?

Related sidenote: How did "Panama" peak at number 13 on the US Billboard Hot 100? Granted it was a tough year to be a single, up against the likes of "Footloose," "Say Say Say," "When Doves Cry," "What's Love Got to Do with It" and even "Girls Just Want to Have Fun." I would have purchased all  of those singles that year. But I was 3. But still. Gosh darn that song is so good.

Life is no cabaret

If I was a member of the Dresden Dolls, I'd be like, "Hey My Chemical Romance, we did that song about singing to everyone back in 2006." I'm not though, so I'll just keep that to myself.

I'll be Your Everything if You Make Me a Star

You guys.


My friend Carrie posted the following on Facebook today and it led to me having one of the biggest revelations of my life. My sad, empty life.


Carrie posted the video Zero by the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs and said "So if Heart and Joan Jett brought up a music baby together...and the donor was someone from Flock of Seagulls, this song would be the post-angsty hot chick that child grew up to be."  


I thought yeah...yeah yeahs...definitely...but there's something else. There's another song. I can't pinpoint it...there's...something....I'VE GOT IT. I've got it like the Go Go's have got the beat. 


Doesn't the girl who sings this: 





Sound like the girl who sings this: 





Right? Go pick your mind up off the floor because I know I just blew it out of your head. 

You don't like ballers, they don't do nothing for ya, but you'd love a rich man six foot two or taller....

Were you ready for some football?

I was. I have to admit that I was rooting for the Steelers last night. Only because one of my brothers-in-law is a Steelers fan and I didn't want him to be grumpy for a week.  Alas. Sorry, Jay.

I had the opportunity to spend the game with a bunch of folks at my friends Dave and Stacey's house. Along with being the hosts with the most, per usual, they had prepared a list of prop bets prior to the game for us to fill out. You would be surprised how much fun it is to count Glee references (a bajillion) and the number of times they show Steven Tyler's face (eleventy thousand).

Unexpectedly, one of the most heated moments of the game was the National Anthem. One of the prop bets was how long it would take Ms. Aguilera to sing the National Anthem. More than 1:54 or less? The official time was...1:54.4. What a barn burner! 

The entire prop bet thing actually led to some funny interactions with my dad. I had stopped by my Mom and Dad’s on the way to the party and he helped me fill out the sheet. I wish I had invented, "Shit My Dad Says," because I really think some of the shit my dad says is hilarious. I would like to share with you some of his reasons for placing certain prop bets:

Question: Seconds will it take Christina Aguilera to complete the national anthem?

More than 114 (1:54) or 114 (1:54) or fewer 

Dad: "Less.....less....she knows better."  

(Editor’s note: But apparently she doesn’t know the lyrics! Zing!)

Question: What will the Black Eyed Peas perform to open their halftime set?

Dad: (annoyed) “Ehhhhh don’t know any of their songs just pick one.”

Question: Who will join Jillian Michaels and Danica Patrick as the third “Go Daddy” girl?

 (Dad scans the list of choices ranging from Betty White to Rockets Matsuzaka, Jenny McCarthy, Fergie, etc.)

Dad: "Carmen Electra....it HAS to be, right?"

I was with you on that one Dad! No one would have selected “Other,” which is the category under which Joan Rivers actually fell. I did NOT see that coming.

Then there was the whole football game thing. That was cool, too. But now it’s over. Pitchers and catchers report on the 13^th. Come to our ThatsWhyIDumpedYou.com launch party on the 12^th. And don’t forget, Monday is Valentine’s Day. You know what that means? Blah blah blah drink.

You had my heart inside your hand, but you played it to the beat.

How about this weather, huh? Snowbigdeal. SBD.


Has this ever happened to you? You come home from a going away party for your friend Nick, who is leaving to split his time between South Africa, Afghanistan and Malawi...and you have an email from your cousin Laura saying she's moving to Rwanda the next day? No? Just me? Cool.

One of those days.

Yup, my friends and family, off saving the world. Don't worry guys, I'll keep...doing..stuff..here..too. Like writing about things that aren't important. And making dip. I highly suggest you follow Nick's blog here: http://pandemicprose.blogspot.com/


I will post Laura's as well, as soon as she is settled in. 


Stuff like that almost makes me feel bad about complaining that I dropped a call three times on my Blackberry last night. Almost. Seriously, I had not moved a single inch when I was on the call. How does one drop a call sitting in the same exact place? I didn't wander into a dead zone. I AM a dead zone for cripe's sake. Emotionally, speaking.


Also, I will be adding "Listen buddy, it's not my fault that guy is blind and frankly, it's not my problem," to the list of "Things I Did Not Anticipate Myself Saying." Long story short, some guy yelled at me the other day because a blind gentleman with a guide dog was walking up the street and could potentially, eventually, walk into my non-moving car as I waited to pull out of a parking lot. I'm fairly certain the dog would not have let the guy walk into my car, and I'm also fairly certain the guy that yelled at me was on meth.


Already on the "Things I Did Not Anticipate Myself Saying" list:
-"We're huge in the Netherlands."
-"Do you know where can I get a Casey Affleck shirt?"
-"Haha I LOVE Steven Tyler!"
- And repeating to myself in the car, "Don't say the c-word on the radio, don't say the c-word on the radio, don't say the c-word on the radio...."


Look! Here's the bottom line.