Not that I ever needed reinforcement that the people around me think I’m a hazard to myself, this latest gem comes from one of my (now adorably overprotective) sisters. After realizing that some new…ah…lifestyle changes mean that there is a good chance I’ll be in the company of people she does not know, she suggested that we establish a series of ground rules for me leaving my apartment, and most importantly, that I begin wearing a GPS anklet.I mean, I guess I see her point. I’m sure my interactions with new people will inevitably lead to the day all reason eludes me and I decide to get into a windowless van because some guy needs help finding his dog (you’re right, I am MUCH more likely to fall for the candy in the car line…but definitely not if it was one of those vans that does have windows and those creepy curtains), it will be exponentially easier to find my body.
See, people, I’m not joking about that whole “black sheep” thing. The bar has been set for me at “don’t die.” So far so good!
8 comments:
Brilliant idea by your sis. However, equally clever would be to take the GPS anklet and leave it on the edge of a pond in the middle of nowhere. See how long it takes sis to become concerned...and then chastise her for not being more considerate to the fact that you could have been a floating corpse.
Thanks, Jon. That's a really great idea, should I ever decide I don't love my family and want to do something horrible to them.
It also brings up the fact that the murderers who are going to be taking me out to dinner could also just break the anklet. Then what?
"What if he shot you in the face?!?"
I agree with your sis. Meeting new people/strangers is not necessary. You have enough friends. In fact, you could probably stand to lose a couple...like that one you sit with.
That's so weird that you mention a windowless van! I have one in my driveway...and it's got ICE CREAM in it! YAY! Let's take a ride down to the lake! You don't even have to bring your cell phone or any picture ID. It'll be magical!
What are these lifestyle changes exactly?
Well...Tom...let's just say that at no time in the near future will the title of this blog be changed to "Color Me In A Successful Long-Term Relationship"
Well that's a much different "lifestyle change" than I was thinking you meant. When I hear that phrase, the first thing that comes to mind is renaming the blog "Color Me Lesbian."
PS: this is Mikey Tonka Truck
I assure you that if that is the path my life is going to take, you will not find out through my blog.
You will find out through gossip and rumors, just like everyone else. Who do you think you are?
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